Lessons from the Chrysalis – there are two types of power

I want to explore some of the things I’ve been learning throughout the chrysalis melting down process that I have been through during the last two or three years.

Firstly I’d like to say it’s been quite a painful process mainly because throughout this whole time the spirit of God has begun to highlight all the motivations of my own heart and reveal how so very easily, in my fallen nature I automatically lean towards the desire for control and power, significance and status. I have at times unwittingly aligned myself with the destructive (and demonic) spirit of Empire. At times I have coerced, manipulated, controlled, dominated, exaggerated, all of which are tools of an empire spirit and not the Kingdom of God, the biggest problem is that the systems I / we have belonged to also function along these lines, if they didn’t they often wouldn’t exist. Consider as an example the heavy teaching on giving yet your main focus of giving is to the institution?

To have these areas exposed is no easy process. It does come at a cost and many golden calves have had to meet their maker, there has been a great deal of pain, and many tears shed, that said, the peace and freedom that I now experience beyond that process has become quite simply, life changing.

What I realised is so much of my education through the church institution actually builds on the same foundations of Empire and not the Kingdom of God. Much of which is built on a desire to people please and look good and legitimise what we are doing instead of getting on with the life  we are called to live. We are taught to be leaders not disciples, we are taught about church and not Kingdom, we’re taught how to control not liberate we focus on religion rather than faith and too often churches are built on the foundations of business rather than Kingdom principles, there is a very subtle, but utterly destructive power at work behind much of our “church” practice.

I realise much of my frustration and anger and (subsequent depression) has been focused around the institution, much of it rightly so. The institution eventually corrupts or destroys those who serve it, the desire for self preservation is what seems to motivate and drive beyond the desire to release and empower and at times, simply do the right thing. Time and time again I hear stories where self preservation conflict with the messages taught from the pulpit and the institution wins out over the individual and people end up heart broken, downtrodden and sidelined, if not out rightly rejected and ousted.  If we were really doing church as the NT demonstrates everyone that belonged to any church would grow up into mature Christians, because that is what is expected of them, and many of the power struggles would be non existent. They would not be dependent on “leaders” or the institution, they would walk in a deep relationship with Christ and with a sense of fulfilment in life and within the body.  Much of the deception of institution is to keep people in immaturity rather than released to maturity and then it can continue to exist. Also if we are employed by the “institution” we become financially dependent on it, and even less likely to address the core values and issues that lie at the foundations of it. Unless we are the founder of the institution or senior leaders / pastor we will find that when we do address these issues, we suddenly find ourselves “not fitting in”. This is not what was modelled by the early Church apostles who would establish the church the leave the (ekklesia - gathering) to stand on it’s own two feet with all members seeking the leading of the holy spirit and very little interference from the apostles, the role of Elders for example would have been the older (wiser) disciples that would have been a good point of reference from experience but not there to lord over anyone, they would still participate with the same kind of equality as everyone else.

Something else I’ve learnt is that though there are major flaws within the institutions. God still works through them, this does not legitimise their existence however, but God will meet with people who want to meet with him, we must hold our wineskin’s lightly! This is also true for people, I know because God uses me and I’m flawed, we cannot assume just because he uses us that we somehow are untouchable or “the lords anointed”. Another thing,  no one else is responsible for my walk and relationship with Christ. How I deal with issues are down to me, Christ loves me unconditionally, I must do like wise, and expect others to do the same, especially those in “leadership” yet often those in leadership seem more broken and flawed than many that are not, again the desire for significance can shape us into the worst kind of leaders. There are times where I may need help when I hit an impasse and I am very grateful for those who have helped me through such times but  anyone who teaches we must submit to them goes against the whole flow of Scripture. Sadly, the heavy shepherding teaching that emerged in the 70′s and that has never really been put to death contradicts the message of Jesus Christ. No one mediates for us, except Jesus what this teaching does is make people dependent on leaders rather than on the leading of the holy spirit and very quickly it can be used as a tool to coerce and control especially when questioning said leaders. On top of that often the desire to submit, (because that is what you are taught) to gain acceptance can be the very thing that comes back and stings you later, again I’ve experienced that and I know of others who have done too.

I believe there be some really dangerous and destructive teachings at the core of much institutional church life yet with just a glance through Scripture viewing things through a Hebrew world-view rather than the Greco-Roman perspective that we have inherited in the western world you would soon realise that there is an alternative. Leadership for example, is one area, I feel needs to be radically readdressed, we believe authority to be imparted because of position and recognition by the leaders within our institution yet from a biblical perspective leadership is life demonstrated by example (consider Elders) we shouldn’t talk about generosity, if we aren’t living generously. We shouldn’t talk about freedom unless we are releasing, and real authority never demands that you submit to it. We have to live an incarnational life, many of the problems in church, is that we teach principles that are not necessarily practised because they are too costly.  There is no hierarchy, yet it’s our development of hierarchy within the church that not only maintains immaturity, but also creates a glass ceiling that separates the “professionals” or “leaders” from the “laity” or ”followers”, this is a distinction never made in the new Testament. Many leaders are frustrated with the lack of ownership by the wider body of the Church yet it’s the very institution that they serve and position they hold that creates this separation. Many “followers” feel undervalued and second class citizens, and we wonder why the church struggles?

Within these structures people are drawn to “leaders” but in reality they are being drawn to power, like the underlings of the Emperor, the perception being the closer I am to leadership the more important I am and thus developing a hierarchy . Yet it also causes the power struggles and tensions that are visible throughout most churches often ending up in division and horrendous back stabbing or worse, massive efforts from the top to keep everyone in line! I have tried over the years to fit in chasing the dangling carrot of influence and power only to find there is no carrot at the end of the stick! Also I can recall several instances where I / we were “popular” or people wanted to associate with us because we were in a position of “leadership” yet now we no longer hold those positions some of those people have very little to do with us whatsoever. The flip side is that we also have found new friends emerging, perhaps because we’re not in ”leadership”?

I think even our understanding of the five fold ministry gifts need to be reassessed, they are gifts not titles or status labels they serve a function. God gives us gifts to share with others, the fivefold ministry gifts are there to develop maturity in the body . Not to be used so that I am recognised as a pastor, prophet, apostle, teacher or evangelist, remember we are here to serve not to be served, but also that when we’re not functioning in these capacities we must allow others to speak into our lives.

From my early days of meeting Jesus I’ve come to see that from that very first meeting point the DNA of the kingdom of God was implanted in my spirit, which is true for every born-again believer, sadly my desire to belong and for significance has pulled me away from the leading of the spirit of God and towards the seeking of approval of men and leaders I’ve made several massive cock ups because I didn’t feel I could go against the perceived leadership!- a difficult lesson learned and a tough addiction to be broken!  My very first encounter with Jesus was in a non-institutional setting amongst a group of young Christians from different denominations and backgrounds, and it was a powerful encounter that literally transformed my life overnight.  From that day I always hungered for that kind of community however I have never found it in a “traditional” church setting no matter how hard I try.

So where to go from here? I think these lessons and many many more are still be formed within me so I’ll have to wait until I emerge from the chrysalis to see what it will look like!

A wise man once said “there’s the love of power or the power of love”, which one do we choose?

Jx