Having spent nearly two years planning are preparing, my book “…into the fire” is almost ready, it’s really quite an odd experience, around this time next month I should actually be taking delivery of the finished item…how scary is that!
I felt some years ago that I should write my story, and after a rather coincidental sequence of events I met a small publisher and was encouraged to put pen to paper, So I have and all being well it’ll be finished very soon.
It’s simply the story of how I met Jesus with a powerful and life changing encounter how I found freedom from drug abuse and the difference that has made to a man who would almost definatley not have lived if it were not for Gods grace.
I really wanted to simply tell of Gods goodness, it’s not just a book about me, but, I hope, one that speaks of Gods grace, love, power and mercy and I really want to encourage others to tell thier stories too.
Our stories can make all the difference in a world that struggles to believe that God even exsits let alone interacts with the world, especially on an intimate personal basis.
We can get so caught up in theology, religion and the business of “church” we forget the simple and mind blowing reality that Jesus loves us and wants us to know him and share that love with the world.
I hope you get the chance to read it, it’s just my story and I’m just an ordinary guy, but I really hope it inspires you to trust in the God who’s love changed my life forever.
I don’t have a price for the book yet (should be sorted v soon) but if you’re interested drop me a line and I’ll save you a copy.
Cheers
Jx
I want to explore some of the things I’ve been learning throughout the chrysalis melting down process that I have been through during the last two or three years.
Firstly I’d like to say it’s been quite a painful process mainly because throughout this whole time the spirit of God has begun to highlight all the motivations of my own heart and reveal how so very easily, in my fallen nature I automatically lean towards the desire for control and power, significance and status. I have at times unwittingly aligned myself with the destructive (and demonic) spirit of Empire. At times I have coerced, manipulated, controlled, dominated, exaggerated, all of which are tools of an empire spirit and not the Kingdom of God, the biggest problem is that the systems I / we have belonged to also function along these lines, if they didn’t they often wouldn’t exist. Consider as an example the heavy teaching on giving yet your main focus of giving is to the institution?
To have these areas exposed is no easy process. It does come at a cost and many golden calves have had to meet their maker, there has been a great deal of pain, and many tears shed, that said, the peace and freedom that I now experience beyond that process has become quite simply, life changing.
What I realised is so much of my education through the church institution actually builds on the same foundations of Empire and not the Kingdom of God. Much of which is built on a desire to people please and look good and legitimise what we are doing instead of getting on with the life we are called to live. We are taught to be leaders not disciples, we are taught about church and not Kingdom, we’re taught how to control not liberate we focus on religion rather than faith and too often churches are built on the foundations of business rather than Kingdom principles, there is a very subtle, but utterly destructive power at work behind much of our “church” practice.
I realise much of my frustration and anger and (subsequent depression) has been focused around the institution, much of it rightly so. The institution eventually corrupts or destroys those who serve it, the desire for self preservation is what seems to motivate and drive beyond the desire to release and empower and at times, simply do the right thing. Time and time again I hear stories where self preservation conflict with the messages taught from the pulpit and the institution wins out over the individual and people end up heart broken, downtrodden and sidelined, if not out rightly rejected and ousted. If we were really doing church as the NT demonstrates everyone that belonged to any church would grow up into mature Christians, because that is what is expected of them, and many of the power struggles would be non existent. They would not be dependent on “leaders” or the institution, they would walk in a deep relationship with Christ and with a sense of fulfilment in life and within the body. Much of the deception of institution is to keep people in immaturity rather than released to maturity and then it can continue to exist. Also if we are employed by the “institution” we become financially dependent on it, and even less likely to address the core values and issues that lie at the foundations of it. Unless we are the founder of the institution or senior leaders / pastor we will find that when we do address these issues, we suddenly find ourselves “not fitting in”. This is not what was modelled by the early Church apostles who would establish the church the leave the (ekklesia - gathering) to stand on it’s own two feet with all members seeking the leading of the holy spirit and very little interference from the apostles, the role of Elders for example would have been the older (wiser) disciples that would have been a good point of reference from experience but not there to lord over anyone, they would still participate with the same kind of equality as everyone else.
Something else I’ve learnt is that though there are major flaws within the institutions. God still works through them, this does not legitimise their existence however, but God will meet with people who want to meet with him, we must hold our wineskin’s lightly! This is also true for people, I know because God uses me and I’m flawed, we cannot assume just because he uses us that we somehow are untouchable or “the lords anointed”. Another thing, no one else is responsible for my walk and relationship with Christ. How I deal with issues are down to me, Christ loves me unconditionally, I must do like wise, and expect others to do the same, especially those in “leadership” yet often those in leadership seem more broken and flawed than many that are not, again the desire for significance can shape us into the worst kind of leaders. There are times where I may need help when I hit an impasse and I am very grateful for those who have helped me through such times but anyone who teaches we must submit to them goes against the whole flow of Scripture. Sadly, the heavy shepherding teaching that emerged in the 70’s and that has never really been put to death contradicts the message of Jesus Christ. No one mediates for us, except Jesus what this teaching does is make people dependent on leaders rather than on the leading of the holy spirit and very quickly it can be used as a tool to coerce and control especially when questioning said leaders. On top of that often the desire to submit, (because that is what you are taught) to gain acceptance can be the very thing that comes back and stings you later, again I’ve experienced that and I know of others who have done too.
I believe there be some really dangerous and destructive teachings at the core of much institutional church life yet with just a glance through Scripture viewing things through a Hebrew world-view rather than the Greco-Roman perspective that we have inherited in the western world you would soon realise that there is an alternative. Leadership for example, is one area, I feel needs to be radically readdressed, we believe authority to be imparted because of position and recognition by the leaders within our institution yet from a biblical perspective leadership is life demonstrated by example (consider Elders) we shouldn’t talk about generosity, if we aren’t living generously. We shouldn’t talk about freedom unless we are releasing, and real authority never demands that you submit to it. We have to live an incarnational life, many of the problems in church, is that we teach principles that are not necessarily practised because they are too costly. There is no hierarchy, yet it’s our development of hierarchy within the church that not only maintains immaturity, but also creates a glass ceiling that separates the “professionals” or “leaders” from the “laity” or ”followers”, this is a distinction never made in the new Testament. Many leaders are frustrated with the lack of ownership by the wider body of the Church yet it’s the very institution that they serve and position they hold that creates this separation. Many “followers” feel undervalued and second class citizens, and we wonder why the church struggles?
Within these structures people are drawn to “leaders” but in reality they are being drawn to power, like the underlings of the Emperor, the perception being the closer I am to leadership the more important I am and thus developing a hierarchy . Yet it also causes the power struggles and tensions that are visible throughout most churches often ending up in division and horrendous back stabbing or worse, massive efforts from the top to keep everyone in line! I have tried over the years to fit in chasing the dangling carrot of influence and power only to find there is no carrot at the end of the stick! Also I can recall several instances where I / we were “popular” or people wanted to associate with us because we were in a position of “leadership” yet now we no longer hold those positions some of those people have very little to do with us whatsoever. The flip side is that we also have found new friends emerging, perhaps because we’re not in ”leadership”?
I think even our understanding of the five fold ministry gifts need to be reassessed, they are gifts not titles or status labels they serve a function. God gives us gifts to share with others, the fivefold ministry gifts are there to develop maturity in the body . Not to be used so that I am recognised as a pastor, prophet, apostle, teacher or evangelist, remember we are here to serve not to be served, but also that when we’re not functioning in these capacities we must allow others to speak into our lives.
From my early days of meeting Jesus I’ve come to see that from that very first meeting point the DNA of the kingdom of God was implanted in my spirit, which is true for every born-again believer, sadly my desire to belong and for significance has pulled me away from the leading of the spirit of God and towards the seeking of approval of men and leaders I’ve made several massive cock ups because I didn’t feel I could go against the perceived leadership!- a difficult lesson learned and a tough addiction to be broken! My very first encounter with Jesus was in a non-institutional setting amongst a group of young Christians from different denominations and backgrounds, and it was a powerful encounter that literally transformed my life overnight. From that day I always hungered for that kind of community however I have never found it in a “traditional” church setting no matter how hard I try.
So where to go from here? I think these lessons and many many more are still be formed within me so I’ll have to wait until I emerge from the chrysalis to see what it will look like!
A wise man once said “there’s the love of power or the power of love”, which one do we choose?
Jx
Things have been quiet for me recently, blogging has slowed down, I think perhaps it’s that much of my “noise” has now been voiced and subsequently there’s less to vent? Have I found a new place of peace? Has all my vocality been simply expressing the things that have been churning on the inside and in need of an outlet?
Several years ago I was in a meeting where I prophesied – the lord is doing a new thing, back then I had no idea that it would mean such movement for me / us personally, but as an incarnational person, things have to start with me, besides new things are different, they have to be or they are not new it’s just window dressing.
I do feel like my mind and practices have been through some serious transformation, a friend of mine wisely described my process as a metamorphosis, I’ve been in the melting down mushy phase of the chrysalis (the place where caterpillar and butterfly are completely un-recognisable) perhaps now things are starting to re shape? I don’t think I’m out of the cocoon yet, but I’m looking forward to emerging.
The way life is shaping up is very different, many of the old ways of doing things have gone, stepping out of the institution and finding peace is a wonderful thing and though I don’t know what the future will look like the unknown doesn’t seen daunting, but exciting and challenging.
2010 holds some interesting opportunities and and great deal of mystery but there is an expectancy to meet with the Lord within it.
So lets see, perhaps I will make a new sound when I emerge?
February 10th, 2010 in
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It’s not everyday that you read a book and pretty much everything it says strikes a chord within you, but I’ve got to say this one has.
Frank Viola’s book Reimagining church (you can find it at Franks website or at Amazon) is a healthy critique of our current church practices (from house church to high church) with depth and a clear understanding of the Old and New Testament he casts a revealing light into so many of the doctrines and perspectives that I have personally been exploring over the past few years…but puts it so much more graciously than I!
He explores topics around community and gatherings, leadership and accountability and reveals many of the poor practices that have taken hold of the the 21st century church.
Just a few posts ago I mentioned a post by frank on Organic Church, and for those interested in going deeper on this subject, I think this could be the book for you.
February 2nd, 2010 in
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Yesterday I went for a walk on Epsom Downs, to clear my head, get some fresh air, and have a pray.
The start of the 2010 has been an interesting time for us, we’ve committed January to seek the face of God and his will for the rest of the year and already we’ve experienced highs and lows during this time, there have already been some frustrations and some disappointments, but one thing that seems very very clear is that God is calling us to walk a new path into un-chartered territory… at least for us.
Back to the Downs, as I was strolling over the hills I was heading in the general direction of my car which at the time was out of sight and found myself travelling along a already beaten track through the rough grass, as I neared the top of the hill I could see my car in the distance but for some strange reason I felt almost compelled to keep walking on the path that had been previously trodden, the odd thing is that this path would have eventually led me in completely the wrong direction, I could see that, yet for some reason, I still felt drawn towards it, I had to make a conscious choice to leave the path and go in the direction of my car, over the rough ground.
It was at this point, I just felt the holy spirit whisper to me, sometimes following the paths that have being walked before us eventually end up leading us to the wrong destination, so when following the holy spirit, his leading and his guiding we have to make a conscious choice to step out of the familiar and walk a new path. Of course there are risks involved as its not easy to see where you’re going, it’s not all clean cut and tidy, but one thing the Lord has been speaking to me about recently is the need for courage in our walk with Christ, we have to be prepared to embrace the unknown after all faith isn’t faith until it’s all you’ve got.
I think it was Einstein, who said “doing the same things and expecting different results is madness” and for me I have to agree with that, it seems so much of our Christianity is the walk of the familiar, the routine, the comfortable and sadly, this just eventually turns into religion (form without power) there’s so much power in Christ yet to walk with him means listening, being led, surrendering our own wills and agendas, and from time to time leaving the beaten path.
I can’t say I know where the rest of 2010 is going to lead but I am pretty sure that I / we can find ourselves walking through some new territory, new ground, which to some could be scary, stepping out of the box often is, but equally it could be exhilarating, rewarding, inspiring, much of which is all about how we perceive things. Some people fear change, some people love change, but for me one thing is very very clear, so much needs to change.
So for me, it’s “yes Lord” to quote a song I wrote several years ago “I will follow where you lead”
January 27th, 2010 in
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I was just reading a comment on Facebook about a book that apparently stands against the prosperity gospel, which states that money is evil and so are things, I haven’t read it so I can’t comment on the book itself but I do have a few quick thoughts on the issue.
1, I personally believe that God wants to prosper us and not to harm us, but prosperity does not necessarily mean a fat bank account and a rock and roll lifestyle. However when we do prosper it is our responsibility to give too, we are blessed to be a blessing, in all areas of our lives.
2, My understanding is that we could live without want and that is demonstrated in the book of acts, where the disciples held everything in kind and no one went without. But that means giving not taking, the prosperity gospel can become a very self centred theology and that is never Gods intention.
3, That when we place our lives and business in Gods hands and walk obediently, we should, over the long run see good friut in all areas.
4, The reaction to the prosperity gospel and the manipulation etc that comes with it can swing too far in the other direction and subsequently we end up embracing a poverty spirit which is definitely not of the Lord.
5, Jesus is very clear on the love of money being the route of all evil, not money itself, it’s the hold it can have on our hearts that is the issue here. Also Jesus admonishes not to put our trust in material things but to place our trust in the Lord, but he doesn’t say anything is wrong with having “things” again its the attachment we have to things that can become an issue here.
6, St Paul learned to be content with much or little, life is seasonal so things come and go, learning to be content is a key here instead of being driven by our materialism and greed. How many flat screen tv’s or things do we really need? There real issue is one of filling a gap with stuff that only Christ can fill. Sadly so many people have a poverty spirit that no matter how much stuff they have it’s never enough. You can even have a poverty spirit and be wealthy!
7, When you know the love of Jesus, and know his presence and the meaning of being adopted into him, you know he has everything we need, stuff has very little meaning so it’s hold is broken, I know I can trust him with my needs, and if we are in a healthy Christian community (which sadly isn’t always the case) we should be looking out for each others needs before our own and corporately should be free of a poverty spirit and mindset. Like I said, we are blessed to be a blessing not blessed for our own sake.
8, Some people will embrace poverty as a lifestyle and that may bring them the kind of freedom that they need, like an alcoholic embracing a sober lifestyle, however that is not the case for everyone, some can enjoy a drink sensibly, as some can handle wealth in a Godly manner.
There is probably a lot more that can be said on the matter but here’s a good starting conversation…I may add some more in time?
I’ve just been reading this article on Frank Viola’s blog, for someone that has been trying to explore church that isn’t institutionally based I found this description very helpful, there are some links to other helpful related articles at the bottom of the page as well.
For those who are struggling to grasp some of what I’m exploring I think Frank sums it up very well. I Reckon I might buy his book too, Jx
I was forwarded an e mail from a friend today (thanks Fi) by a Doug Addison, it’s all about identity, and a confirmation to me about the recent topic so I thought I’d post it here with permission Thanks Doug… for more info on Doug Addison and his ministry go here.
Spiritual Identity Theft
By Doug Addison
I woke up the day after Christmas after several dreams where I saw the enemy trying to steal people’s destinies. As I prayed about it I heard the words “identity theft.” Oftentimes, things that are happening in the natural realm reflect what is happening in the spiritual realm. The rise of identity theft in the world is symbolic of what is happening spiritually to people all around the world. I saw two covert strategies that Satan is trying to use against people to keep them from seeing, finding, and fulfilling their life purpose and destiny in God.
Strategy 1: Getting us to Believe That we are our Behavior
Bad experiences or painful pasts can negatively affect our present. There are forces of darkness that want us to believe that we are the only ones who suffer with these issues and that it is unchangeable. This is simply not true. Too often our sin and emotional baggage gets linked to what we believe about ourselves. In other words, our personality and identity becomes associated with the things we struggle with. The strategy of the enemy is for us to believe that we actually “are” how we feel or behave, which is not true at all. Satan wants you to believe things like: you “are” depressed, unhappy, worthless, unable to change, stupid, a failure … the list could go on and on. It is important to realize that our feelings and behavior are situational and we can change them—the truth is feelings and behavior are not who we really are. They might be things that we struggle with, but they are not our identity, or who we are in Christ.
This includes the things that you may think about yourself at a deep level. You might not consciously believe them but you find yourself thinking them or saying them about yourself on a regular basis. Most people don’t see that there is a direct connection between the way they view themselves and their destiny.
For as he thinks in his heart, so is he Proverbs 23:7 NKJV.
Strategy 2: Dying too Much to Yourself and Losing Your Passion
Satan wants to steal our identities and take away any hope for change. When he is able to get us to believe the lies about ourselves in Strategy 1, he then uses Bible verses out of context as he did with Jesus to release a second deadly attack against our destinies by getting us to over respond to our sin.
To experience a radically transformed life we must have renewed thinking. It is interesting that while writing about how to find God’s will for your life, the Apostle Paul says that we must first change our thinking by renewing our minds.
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God Romans 12:1 NIV.
The process of renewing your mind involves a principle called dying to yourself. There are several verses in the Bible that talk about dying to the sinful nature or “old self” and allowing God to live through us. This is a necessary process for transforming your life. However, it is also a very misunderstood principle. Satan wants to get us to take this to the extreme and believe that we must die to all the heart desires and plans that we have. The truth is, dying to ourselves does not mean that we cannot have any desires or ideas of our own. If that were the case you would become a robot for God. God wants us to be his sons and daughters and to have authority on the earth. God created the earth and we are created in His image. Therefore, we all have the ability to be co-creators to expand His Kingdom on earth.
God wants to give us good things that we want and desire once our motives are right. It is no wonder that so many people don’t know their destiny; it may be because they have died to any desire they may have once had.
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart Psalm 37:4 NIV.
Dying to yourself means that your heart has the right intentions. Not all of our desires are necessarily from God. Quite often God will give us a passion or strong desire to fulfill something in our lives. Passion is important because it brings about a divinely inspired drive to accomplish things for God.
The Remedy: God’s Good Intentions for You
A really great thing about God is that He sees us as who we are becoming through His love and power. As He looks at our lives, He knows our past, understands our present, and can see us in the future, all at the same time. His love, mercy, and grace are unfathomable. Imagine the possibilities if we could see ourselves the same way that God sees us. Much of the time we are not able to see our purpose and destiny with much clarity, so we are required to rely on faith. The principle of faith allows us to trust that there is something special and unique for us, even if our experiences have been the opposite. Sometimes there is great resistance or even setbacks before we are able to get into the fullness of God’s desires for us.
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1 NIV.
We need to be certain of the fact that God has nothing but good intentions for us, even though we may not see them yet. You’ll see this in this powerful biblical principle:
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 NIV.
These are God’s intentions for us. His plans are to prosper us, to give us hope and a future. If you read on, you’ll see the benefits of grasping this.
Then [after you discover God’s plans for you] you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart Jeremiah 29:12–13 NIV.
We must see what God is doing in our lives and work with Him to bring it about. It’s time to take a stand against what Satan has in mind for us and come into line with God’s wonderful intentions for us.
If people can’t see what God is doing, they stumble all over themselves; but when they attend to what he reveals, they are most blessed Proverbs 29:18 The Message.
Our Identity is in Christ
The foundation of my life is this: in Christ, I am a new creation, and all the old thoughts and behaviors no longer have power over me. I am being renewed every day with God’s love and character. I share in God’s divine nature because God’s Spirit lives in me. I am free from condemnation and have the strength to live my life free of despairing thoughts and the competing desires of my flesh. I am God’s workmanship, created to do good works, which God has prepared ahead of time for me to accomplish. I am more than a conqueror through God who loves me. I have a clear mind and can make good decisions. I am increasing daily in faith, strength, wisdom, and love. I am able to love others because God has first loved me”.
Good stuff huh, Jx
I’ve been having a lot of conversations recently regarding identity and I think it is of such major significance to us as the body of Christ that I’m not even sure where to start…
But for a starting point here are a few thoughts for now.
1. We must not look to the institution or our function for our identity, within the “church” or outside of it, when we do we elevate the institution to the place of an idol, we must know Gods voice and his approval, (which by the way cannot be earned but is received).
2. We must know ourselves and our weaknesses especially the need for significance and approval – these often get in the way of us walking in obedience to the Lord, we please people before we please God and often that leads to consequences that are unhelpful.
3. Those in leadership must not exploit peoples need to belong for the sake of the organisation or institution – but the power of the institutionoften overpowers us because of point number 1
4. Though we should enjoy our gifting, we must not be defined by it.
5. When we know who we are in Christ we do not have to fear empire or control, but that is not always received well by those around us.
6. It’s all about who we are not what we do, and we must follow Jesus’ example of this.
7. It will come at a cost, and are we prepared to count that cost?
I’m currently working on some of these thoughts in more depth, but it’s such a huge area, I hope to expand on more of this over the next few weeks, (well at least after the holidays anyway), it would be good to get some feedback on this topic too, so feel free to comment, but for now, happy Christmas and maybe we’ll meet up on New years day as we gather to pray for the nation at 1pm in parliament square – London.
Jx
Today I was amused to find out that rage against the machine are possibly in line for a Christmas number one in the UK record charts (for those of you that know rage against the machine are a rock/ funk/rap/ metal/ band). And they stand in direct competition with the latest X factor winner.
What I love is just how a small group of people who are fed up with saccharin sweet manipulative entertainment that we are constantly bombarded with are encouraging people to buy a record that stands against pretty much everything that X factor stands for, and it’s really starting to worry them. Simon Cowell is making statements, Cheryl Cole’s making statements, they are all terribly worried that this American rock band can undermine all the work they do as X factor panellists, and rightly so, they should be worried. The veneer is starting to wear thin, people have had enough.
X factor isn’t about talent, it’s all about entertainment, It’s all about Simon Cowell making money and fair enough, if that’s what he wants to do, who am I to get in his way? But the problem with the X factor, which is common to any empire, is that it believes it is somehow has the right, that is entitled to the number one spot, but that’s not true. It should not be the empire that decides who wins and who loses yet clearly that’s what happens, but when a few guys through Facebook and the internet rally so many people to buy a record by a band who so many people have never even heard of. It just shows what can be done from grass-roots level when people are inspired.
Now that’s entertaining.
